I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
