You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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