I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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