Your dad touched me again.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
