One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize