I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize