You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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