cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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