need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize