i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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