Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
