I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
