the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
