Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
