remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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