Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
