Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
