there's paper in my vomit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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