she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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