She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
