she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I look better un-naked...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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