I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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