I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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