Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
