Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
