we have officially lost it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
