Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
