There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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