This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
