Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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