I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
