you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
