Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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