I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
