I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
