Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
