I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
