Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
