never play flip cup with pint glasses
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
