if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
