last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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