By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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