How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
