the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
