Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize