I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
