the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
