this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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