I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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