Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.