Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased