The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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