She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry