So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret