Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on