yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass