I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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