I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
