So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
