Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
