Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Randomize
