i wish my penis had a tongue
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
