literally had 100 drinks last night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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