He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Farmville is her only friend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
