Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
