Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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