I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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