theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
