between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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