my mouth tastes like poor choices
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
