Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
