hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
