in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
