so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
