The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
what day is it and did you see me today?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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