I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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