found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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