He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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