Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
