Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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